How to tackle any English essay question

--UPDATE--  I've made a new site dedicated solely to teaching academic writing! Click here to check it out! Every week you'll find a new tutorial, and every tutorial will be easy to read and easy to learn. I'm also writing an ebook that I'll give away free to anyone who subscribes. I hope the site proves useful! Sadly, I will probably no longer be updating this site. But the new site...

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The mobile phone: my closest friend

Literally. I take him everywhere I go because I feel vulnerable without him. He sleeps beside me, wakes me up, tells me that it’s raining outside. During the day, he sits squarely in my pocket. Perhaps you have a similar friend? Every now and then I teach him a new skill. He learns it in seconds, kind of like how Trinity in The Matrix learnt how to fly a helicopter. Only, unlike Trinity...

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The be-all rule for using apostrophes

Correct usage of the apostrophe is a lot more straight forward than most people think, despite all the evidence otherwise (see: internet). In fact, one friendly rule can be used to solve every apostrophe crisis, and that rule is: **Apostrophes are tags** Seriously. That’s all they are. If you think of apostrophes as tags, you'll never be confused again. Basically, when you’re tagging (attaching)...

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"It's not instant enough!"

Snappy and passion-filled, these were the words of a friend speaking on the subject of reheating food in the oven as opposed to the microwave. The oven, I'd argued, retains the crispiness of a pizza base or the stability of a pie pastry - and we all know that a pie's pastry is make-or-break, literally. I said if we didn't have to contend with time, the oven would win. But she was quick to remind...

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Matt defies standardised grammar and teaches a new grammar - part two

If the whole thing about split infinitives wasn't convincing enough that adherence to strict rules can be stupid, here's another: Which of these sentences is correct? 1. The pack of wolves is hunting the chickens. 2. The pack of wolves are hunting the chickens. Answer: both. You can decide. The rule is that there is no rule! (But there should be.) Part two: group nouns are fiddly What's a group...

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The sweetest essay on language that you'll ever read

My good friend Rowan was inspired (special thanks to our society) to write this short but awesome essay; and then he let me post it on here because Facebook's chat box wasn't built for sustaining rants. Read and be nourished. “Punch the keys, damn it!” - by Rowan Thorpe Finding Forrester had it right: while writing, one must indeed punch the keys. This is true not only of the typewriter...

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Matt defies standardised grammar and teaches a new grammar - part one

Recently, Al Yankovic (Weird Al) published a song called Word Crimes, which immediately became my favourite song ever, because a) it parodied Robin Thicke's misogynistic Blurred Lines, and b) it promoted good grammar. Al, in a gesture of poetic irony, took a song that bespoke society's decline in love and respect, turned it on its head and suited it in an armour sturdy enough to take on the...

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How to sound more intelligent - part three

You know, learning good grammar ought to be a responsibility for all native English speakers. My reasoning goes something like this: if four year-olds should know the alphabet, twenty-four year-olds should understand English grammar. This third and final part is for those who've read and learned, or who already know, what I explained in parts one and two. Part three: words you should stop misusing Like...

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How to sound more intelligent - part two

A lot of people - public speakers in particular - attempt to sound fancy by manipulating the English language in strange and obscure ways. They replace words like 'me' with 'I', saying things like: "So when that Microsoft representative rocked up to our front door and offered Erwin and I the job, my heart, like, jumped out of my chest. I was so excited!" Read: it's Erwin and me, not Erwin...

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How to sound more intelligent - part one

Some of the most common discrepancies in the spoken English language can weaken the best of us at the worst of times like a fatal chink on solid steel. There are those of us who care enough to fix it, those of us who don't realise it's there, and those of us who don't care either way; after all, it's not like anyone else cares.* *I do. But it's one thing to have learnt good grammar before discarding...

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Why an atheist shouldn't take offence when a religious person presents his or her beliefs

Every atheist I know would say that God does not exist. They know what the word 'atheist' means, and they stand by it. If I asked them if God is a fairytale character, they'd probably say yes. I'm fine with this. I'm all for people making up their minds. I just wish that more people would. So, God is a fairytale character. This means that he's in the same boat as characters like Pinocchio, Snow...

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Flint and Steel: Episode Four

Here, Nicky, is where you will discover your ultimate fate, and the fate of your husband! Will you and Flint live happily ever after? Is Tatai, the obligatory villain, truly defeated? And what happened to Rowan? Will he be rescued? This episode is rated PG. It contains mild romance (that means you, Nicky) and slightly less mild violence. Past episodes Episode One Episode Two Episode Three Episode...

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