Stop taking pictures of everyday food and putting them on Facebook

"You spent twenty minutes putting some ingredients together so you could feed yourself. How innovative!"

"All this time I thought you were anorexic. Glad that's not the case."

"You went shopping, bought a steak and cooked it? Please, allow me to bow down to the sheer excitement that is your life!"

These are the kinds of thoughts that run through my mind when I see a photo of food someone's so eagerly dumped onto Facebook. And I don't mean nice, fancy, this-took-me-three-hours-to-make-and-there-were-several-times-I-expected-it-to-fail food; not even funny, pretty or generally cool food, like ninjabread men. (These I appreciate. Facebook needs an achievement system for such spectacles of art).

I'm referring to those plain bowls of I-made-two-minute-noodles-and-everyone-needs-to-know-about-it. Here's an illustration of just how revolutionary they really are.

Who knew?

In any case, the above thoughts are quickly pushed aside in the light of one simple question. Why?

Why do you feel the need to share that your boiled egg is white and not, in fact, purple? Why do I need to know that you had dinner? Are you implying that you go hungry every night you don't upload a photo?

Did you kill the cow to which that slab of steak belonged? No? Then why?

Regardless of this unanswered question, these photos still manage to garner a few likes. Heck, even I've considered liking one on occasion: "Jenny always acts like a robot. I was beginning to think she was one. But now that I know she eats food, I guess she's human after all. This deserves a like." Heh, not quite. Jenny limits her food photos to those of high presentation and quality, regardless of her robotic characteristics. Thumbs up, Jennifer!

There's a reason I don't take a picture of my meat pie that took exactly three minutes to microwave; I can't see why anyone would care. So next time you think to upload a photo of food, think again. Is it the best pie you've ever had? Does this mark the first time you've ever eaten meat? Is your pie full of cockroaches instead of mince? Did you think Facebook was some massive cooking blog that's gone insanely off topic? If your answer's no to all of these, then please, spare me the 110kb and keep your pie to yourself.