I find analysing the central themes
built upon by layers of camera and post production techniques, dialogue, music,
costume, parallels and so to be an inspiring and fulfilling perspective to take
when watching a film. (The symbol of love and the theme of integrity in Megamind are brilliantly presented). Of
course, it also means ninety-five percent of films suddenly suck because most
don't bother to try. But there are other, less discussed aspects I've come to
naturally observe - elements neither taught nor memorised. And while they may
appear finicky and childish, they stand out to me far more than those listed
above, probably because they're freaking everywhere. Perhaps you're already
familiar with them; but I think they're worthy of mention nonetheless.
1. Cry properly!
This occurs in many a sad scene: someone
dies and the person they leave behind is grieving over their dead body with
exclamations like, "Whyyyy?" and "Waaaaa!" and all without a single tear! Honestly, it's hardly
convincing. I can understand if the given actor can't cry on demand - perhaps
his life is awesome with no sad memories to dig up - but can't someone fetch him a few onions? Okay, fine, now his eyes are sore. You've hit rock bottom.
But wait, there's another method: that thing we call 'special effects'; you
know, the super expensive technique you used for the last ten minute action scene which led to this not-very-convincing tragedy? Yeah, that. Would that be so hard?
Whenever someone cries onscreen, my
gaze instinctively locks onto their eyes, judging how real their crying
actually is. If their eyes tear up, my appreciation for the film in question
rises infinitely. If not, I ask myself, "Why do they spend millions of
dollars to make the stunts look real yet ignore the clearly fake crying?" For me, it significantly detracts from
the believability of their sorrow and thus the integrity of emotion.
2. Eat your food!
Food is amazing; food is my
weakness. Which is why it gets to me when the film's characters are gathered
at a dinner table and not eating their tantalising steaks! Instead they
perpetually pick bits of it up and drop them back down with their forks while
discussing family dramas and the like. It's so freaking taunting! And when
someone finally does ingest a morsel of overly-forked cow to which I think
"Thank God!", the action looks so incredibly rehearsed (it tends to
add some sort of 'oomph' to their dialogue) that I end up craving whatever they
aren't eating! And then there's the fake chewing! Sure, the focus of the
scene is almost always something other than food; so if the characters stuffed
themselves, it might look a bit off. But quit poking your meat as though
everyone in your universe either doesn't know what to do with food or lives on fake tears!
3. Stay down!
Fight scenes are good - unless
they're bad! Things that ruin a fight scene:
a) both combatants are blatantly
not getting hit. I realise no-one's actually punching and kicking each other;
but it's awful when the viewer becomes conscious of the fact. Fortunately such
cases are rare these days.
b) The person who just got
pummelled, fell over and is somehow recovering has nary a scratch on his
makeup-drenched face. This is understandable if he isn't human or he has some
special power. But otherwise, horrible. Similarly, in scenes where the CIA spy
is being interrogated by the generic Russian baddie, and said baddie repeatedly
punches the spy in the jaw, and the spy throws his head in the
same direction, it helps when the spy actually looks beat up.
c) The no-named unskilled cohorts
are a million times slower than the heroic good guy. I get that the heroic good
guy gets to be a pro in whatever is his skill set, but for some reason he
almost always possesses the unexplained power to emanate an invisible 'you're
going to stand there while I beat you up' field around him at all times save
when he comes face to face with the cohort leader (who's Russian). Just because
they're unskilled doesn't mean they're brainless.
So there you have it. I truly
believe that each of these scene types deserves more attention. One and Two are
the most prevalent; so they annoy me the most. Terrible fight scenes aren't as
common anymore; but, like good and bad acting, they have the power to make or
break a film for me. In summary: cry, eat and fight! Stay tuned for part two.
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