Bad Endings

There are good endings, there are bad endings, and there are those endings that would've been good if so-and-so had died properly and not come back to life five minutes later. Be it book, movie or even videogame, the ending is the last thing we see or read. It's the final impression we get, and it has the power to make or break the entire narrative. A good ending often means a good movie. I say 'often' because it can sometimes mean a redeemed movie. For instance, the movie sucked but the ending was fantastic. Following are some of media's not-so-fantastic endings, at least according to my personal opinion.

Salt

via IMDB

I don't know what's worse: a bad ending, or no ending at all. This movie shocked us with the latter. Granted, it might've been its only innovative factor. But I almost got a fright when the credits began to roll. Where did they come from? Ted Winter is revealed to be the main bad guy about two minutes before he dies, and then Salt is taken prisoner on a helicopter. Next, she's running through a forest and then whoa! Credits!

Spy action is always fun, but this movie had no build up, no climax, no nothing. The antagonist's death was as impacting as the bit where Salt removes her contact lenses. I remembered that bit because I, too, wear contacts. Despite not having a personality, she was likeable from that moment onwards. Of course, that only made the ending (or whatever it was) even worse, because I'm still at the edge of my seat waiting to find out what will become of my contact-lens-wearing heroine!

The Hunger Games (film)

via IMDB

I knew the credits were coming for this one. The music told me so. But the scene itself wasn't end-worthy at all. Without the "this is it, guys" music, and the fact that the film ran for 142 minutes and was at its 141st, there would've been nothing endy about it. It didn't even feel like the end of a scene. President Snow (who looks uncannily like Santa, and whom I therefore like to call 'Evil Santa') is staring at a TV screen. He isn't happy with what he sees, so he walks up some stairs. No way! (That's the ending).

I remember the scene well because a) it wasn't in the book, and b) it was bad. I recall expecting him to go somewhere - a hidden room perhaps - where he'd unveil a secret weapon or some type of trump card; you know, to create one of those 'dun dun DUN' feelings, or a cliffhanger for you technical folk. I think viewers deserved something like that, what with the lack of any twist whatsoever throughout the entire film. But no, it just ended. Granted, I read the book, but the book had no twists either. In the end, because it was impossible to replicate Katniss's thoughts from novel to screen (the book ends with her not wanting to let go of Peeta's hand), the filmmakers decided to add a shot of Evil Santa walking up some steps. What does that even mean!?

Every Videogame Ever Made

Superb game, bar the ending.

I use the term 'every' lightly. What I mean is, rather, the vast majority of story-driven videogames. In almost all of them, you spend somewhere between 20 and 100 hours making your way from start to finish, and there's always some major obstacle to overcome at the end. It's fun, of course, because otherwise you wouldn't have made it this far. Anyway, after dying countless times and wasting more of your fleeting life trying to out-button mash the computer, you eventually make it. It's the end: quite often a five-minute cinematic of the world now liberated from evil. After that, it's the credits. That's it. You don't even get to save your game, to explore the evil-ridden world with all of its evil-ridden-ness. Once the credits are done and you reload your game, it pits you right back on the brink again. You sit there moping as you finally realise that glory and honour don't last. No one remembers you. When you look at the screen again, it's just before the final battle. Everyone's terrified, and you're the only one that can save them. Or can you? After all, no one will ever know. Such it is with life; and like life, perhaps it's just so that you cannot see the onscreen, fictional world free from evil, for no man can, in fact, perceive such a world. It doesn't truly exist. All you have is the personal achievement of conquering yet another videogame. You'd put it on your CV, but then who would be your reference!?

Fortunately, for every bad ending, there's a good one, right? With regards to film and novel, I think you can remember a few. But in terms of videogames, it would appear not. However, utilising such endings as metaphors for life itself, perhaps the final reward is in the lessons they teach us. Life is short; kill off the lead character.

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Introverts 101

*Interlaced with helpful analogies and metaphors!

Introverts are often misunderstood. I would know, because I'm one of them. But we're humans too, and like all human beings - regardless of gender, race or hair colour - we just want to be acknowledged. But how can we be acknowledged unless we're understood? Thus, I shall endeavour to explain, in a logical fashion, how introverts work based on my own experience and the general nods of affirmation I've received in previous discussions on the subject with like-minded people. The key term to keep in mind is social energy. Having said that, it must be noted that a man should not, upon reading this, put introverts, or anyone else for that matter, into a box labelled 'explained'. After all, "you're unique, just like everyone else." Rather, I hope only to demystify, even if just a little bit, the clouded notion people tend to equip pertaining to introverts.

Social energy is exactly what it implies: it's the energy one has to be social. Like sleep, we all need it, and like regular energy, it's expendable. Some people have large social energy 'tanks', if you will, while others have smaller ones. Of these people, some expend their energy quickly, while others are able to trickle it out over a long period of time. I for one use it up pretty fast. It sort of gushes out (I often appear quite extroverted), but I'm able to adapt to the situation. For instance, I can go to a four-day non-stop social conference, and use it up over those four days, or I can go on a two-week long non-stop social trip to Nelson, and have enough social energy to last the entire time there. Regardless, at some point or another, the social energy depletes, and from there it needs time to restore itself. For the introvert, this means being alone, or around few people, just so he or she is recuperating social energy faster than he or she is spending it. I'm sure everyone needs time alone sometimes; but introverts undoubtedly need more. Lots more.

During this period, social events are hideous beasts, while time by oneself is heaven on earth. Therefore, if a friend text messages me, "Hey, come over! I want to catch up with you and ten other people all at once!" I'm likely to say no. However, it's not because I don't like them, or any of the other ten people for that matter. It's simply because I can't be social right now. I'll talk sparsely, get irritated easily, and wish I wasn't there. Simply put, my company wouldn't be enjoyed, and I'd think myself inconsiderate. As a general rule, I don't take well to spontaneity. However, you might notice that even your introverted friends take quite kindly to spontaneous events, at times. This would likely be because you caught them at a time when their social energy is high, and they're rearing to use it like a dying man in a desert is rearing to drink of the fresh waters and eat the magical pineapples in the sparkling oasis he's just discovered. However, like this sparkling oasis, such occasions are rare and should not be depended on.

via blog.lib.umn.edu

You see, introverts generally like to plan ahead. This is because social energy cannot simply be 'summoned' when there is none. So, if my social energy is low, and you invite me to an event today, I will likely decline, even if I'm not doing anything. However, if you invite me to something a few days in advance, I'll likely accept, because I can plan for my social energy meter to be full and usable. If it's planned, it'll work out.

On that note, there is another factor to consider when trying to understand the concept of social energy. You see, I like socialising, but I also like not socialising (often, choosing between the two is like choosing which flavour Subway to get: not easy!) I also get accustomed to things that are yet to happen. I might have a super busy few weeks, but know that Saturday is going to be a nothing-at-all day, which I'll look forward to, and which will thus motivate me to get through the week in high spirits. However, if, on Friday, some friends invite me to lunch on Saturday, I might say no, because it violates my plans to do nothing. However, if they invited me before I made those plans, then I would've said yes! I also said yes to a two-week long beach mission in Nelson, because I had time to think, and I was given six months' notice.¹ In short, social energy not only restores over time, but even when full, it often needs time to prepare itself. Your food might be in the fridge, but it needs time to heat up.

I hope the concept of social energy is easy to grasp. If so, then it should have helped to explain and justify why introverts like me need time alone: primarily to recuperate and to prepare. When my social energy is high, I talk a lot, and appear very extroverted; but I could just as easily be at home doing nothing, and that's equally fun. However, everyone's different, and when an introvert declines your invitation to the game, or when he or she is quieter than normal, it might not have anything to do with social energy. It might just be that they don't like rugby, or that they have nothing to say. It might even be because they're busy. Introverts make plans, too, you know. In the end, don't adopt the idea of social energy to every instance where an introvert says 'no' to you. And don't bother asking why, either; it'd take all my social energy to explain it again.

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1. You don't need to give me six months' notice, or any notice. Just don't take it to heart if I say 'no'.

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'Fun Size' chocolate, with added moral

Somewhere along the way, I seem to have overlooked something. I realise that language changes. 'Thus' and 'hence' are used interchangeably; 'whom' is pretty much a goner; and 'gotten', I'm still getting used to gotten. It makes me think of mutated cotton. But I'll get there. 

What I don't get - what I'll never get - is something far graver than any of the aforementioned tweaks to the English language. It quite frankly contradicts the very thing it aims to promote. Still wondering? Then let me ask you, at which point did 'fun' become synonymous with 'MINISCULE'?

Some things can be small and fun: Gameboys, cell phones, iPods, vegetables. In fact, vegetables so small they're invisible are the most fun. But chocolate -- chocolate is never fun when chocolate is small. Better word associations for a lack, or shortage, of chocolate, include: taunting, tormenting, torturous, dire, deprive-yourself, I'd-rather-die, and so on.

No man even closely associates any of these words with 'fun', unless they're a masochist. And even if they are, leaving one's taste buds pleading after a nibble of melt-in-your-mouth chocolate is never, ever fun.

So, why do we have this?

The bit in the yellow.

Let's hope they don't release a SUPER FUN size.

Yes, you may get twelve in a pack, but there's only ever enough for one each. Don't try to argue. And one 'fun size' Snickers is like one measly bite of pizza, after which you're forced to endure the mouth-watering aroma of pepperoni and cheese and whatnot without so much as another taste.

You see, I like to down my Snickers in one no-mess mouthful, but other people nibble away at the corners like it's secretly disgusting but they're trying to be polite. Still others save theirs for later. To that group I always think, "Why didn't I do that?"

But when I try to do that, it never works: the chocolate must be eaten. And so it always is that I'm left chocolate-less, contending with the delicate munchings of those around me whose secret motives, I'm certain, are to torment me. Fun.

It was fun while it lasted, sure. But when it's gone, all you can do is sit and watch as someone else does a better job with their Snickers (an atrocious metaphor for time and resources). Regretful, wasted, depressed - these are the only emotions you feel now, and they're never fun. Wasting what time you have today could mean it'll all be over by tomorrow.

Remember, "the consequences of today are determined by the actions of the past. To change your future, alter your decisions today." (I made that up, then added quote marks to make it official.)

In life, we're told to lower our expectations and settle. Well, you know what? It's time to take a stand. Say NO, that's not fun-sized, that's crap-sized! I deserve more!

And other meaningful things.

Now go buy loads of chocolate! And avoid the I'd-rather-die size!

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Ten Reasons Why You Should Own a Cheetah

"The lion is said to be majestic, the leopard ferocious and shrewd. But elegant and graceful best describes the cheetah."

This gay marriage excuse for a debate has recently got me thinking: I want to own a cheetah! Here are ten reasons why you should own one, too.

1. The cheetah is the friendliest of all the big cats.

2. It's the only big cat that can't roar. It chirrups, mews and even purrs!

A heterosexual couple of cheetahs.

3. It's super pretty.

4. It's non-aggressive.

5. It has a super long tail for balance and coolness.

6. It's the fastest land animal, reaching speeds of up to 113km/h!

7. During the day, it can see its prey from five kilometres away!

8. It's the only cat with blunt, non-retractable claws, which help grip the ground like cleats for traction when running. Its pads act like tire treads for sharp turns at high speeds.

9. It knocks its prey to the ground before suffocating the animal with a bite to the neck. Cool!

10. It only gets thirsty once in every three to four days. Economical!

I don't want some attention-seeking, ass-licking, milk-drinking Siamese. I want a cheetah. It's my right! No... it's our right!

(Also, they're endangered. So there's a legitimate reason, if you needed one.)

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