Ten Reasons Why You Should Own a Cheetah

"The lion is said to be majestic, the leopard ferocious and shrewd. But elegant and graceful best describes the cheetah."

This gay marriage excuse for a debate has recently got me thinking: I want to own a cheetah! Here are ten reasons why you should own one, too.

1. The cheetah is the friendliest of all the big cats.

2. It's the only big cat that can't roar. It chirrups, mews and even purrs!

A heterosexual couple of cheetahs.

3. It's super pretty.

4. It's non-aggressive.

5. It has a super long tail for balance and coolness.

6. It's the fastest land animal, reaching speeds of up to 113km/h!

7. During the day, it can see its prey from five kilometres away!

8. It's the only cat with blunt, non-retractable claws, which help grip the ground like cleats for traction when running. Its pads act like tire treads for sharp turns at high speeds.

9. It knocks its prey to the ground before suffocating the animal with a bite to the neck. Cool!

10. It only gets thirsty once in every three to four days. Economical!

I don't want some attention-seeking, ass-licking, milk-drinking Siamese. I want a cheetah. It's my right! No... it's our right!

(Also, they're endangered. So there's a legitimate reason, if you needed one.)